Yesterday crystallised why I need to create a different type of life for myself. I love writing and feedback is good, but I don't have the energy to finish my projects and get them out there. Why? Teaching is the Dracula of my energy. Constant demands, no replenishing of the bloodstock and dark forces at work. Then there was this conversation from a truly lovely teacher who had just retired.
She: What are you teaching?
Me: Science in a high school.
She: Oh no. How can you cope? It's so awful at the moment.
Me: I am struggling...
She: You must have something good of your own to do. It's the only way to survive without destroying yourself. All those targets...
I hadn't started moaning, the comment was spontaneous. Do something you love. Something you aren't desperate to retire from (and that's a long time away).
Then I read the opening chapters of Donna Tartt's - The Goldfinch. It is magnificent. It is an inspiration. It reminded me of a chapter in my own novel.
Tomorrow I am handing in a letter asking for a sabbatical. No-one in school has done this before. I've no idea what the answer will be, but I know it can transform my existence.
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